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Bush On Global Warming

Washington DC
ChingarraSan Press Release
Political Satire
December 8, 2005

As scientists from around the world gather in Canada for a conference
on global warming, President George W. Bush has assembled his own
group of scientists to respond to charges that the U.S. is not doing it's
part in this effort.

The President touted the work of his scientific panel stating, " I have
complete confidence in the studies going foreword."

The studies, as reported by the panel, show that the main cause of
global warming is the carbon dioxide being exhaled by humans as they
breathe and speak. The report went on, describing the huge growth in
world population, as the primary cause of global warming.

The President went on to describe his plan to reduce global warming:
  1. "The only way to reduce global warming is to limit the carbon dioxide output of humans!" "When people breathe and speak, they are harming the atmosphere!"
  2. "Prohibiting breathing, is of course out of the question, at this time."

  3. "Reducing the world population is one of the things that can be done, and, we are making great strides toward that goal!"
  4. "Then, of course, there is speaking!" "Especially speaking freely!" "When people speak freely, they are adding excess amounts of carbon dioxide to the atmosphere!" "Add that to the amount of carbon dioxide which results from breathing, and then you can see the scope of the problem!"
  5. "As I described in item 2. above, breathing is still allowed. but could be in jeopardy, depending on how many humans continue to speak freely!"
  6. "In order to stop global warming, FREE SPEECH MUST BE ABOLISHED!"
Our reporter, stunned by the presidents remarks, left the press conference reeling in
disbelief! He wondered aloud if the illogical statements made by the president would
be enough to have him taken away in a straight jacket!

On the other hand, the rest of the reporters present at the news conference applauded
the presidents efforts and gave him high marks on his leadership!