Bush
On Global Warming
Washington
DC
ChingarraSan Press
Release
December 8, 2005
As scientists from
around the
world gather in Canada for a conference
on global warming,
President
George W. Bush has assembled his own
group of scientists
to respond
to charges that the U.S. is not doing it's
part in this effort.
The President
touted the work of
his scientific panel stating, " I have
complete confidence
in the
studies going foreword."
The studies, as
reported by the
panel, show that the main cause of
global warming is
the carbon
dioxide being exhaled by humans as they
breathe and speak.
The report
went on, describing the huge growth in
world population,
as the primary
cause of global warming.
The President went
on to
describe his plan to reduce global warming:
- "The only way to reduce global warming is to limit
the
carbon dioxide output of humans!" "When people breathe and speak, they
are harming the atmosphere!"
- "Prohibiting breathing, is of course out of the
question, at this time."
- "Reducing the world population is one of the things
that can be done, and, we are making great strides toward that goal!"
- "Then, of course, there is speaking!" "Especially
speaking
freely!" "When people speak freely, they are adding excess amounts of
carbon dioxide to the atmosphere!" "Add that to the amount of carbon
dioxide which results from breathing, and then you can see the scope of
the problem!"
- "As I described in item 2. above, breathing is still
allowed. but could be in jeopardy, depending on how many humans
continue to speak freely!"
- "In order to stop global warming, FREE SPEECH MUST BE
ABOLISHED!"
Our reporter,
stunned by the presidents remarks, left the press conference reeling in
disbelief! He wondered aloud if the illogical statements made by the
president would
be enough to have him taken away in a straight jacket!
On the other hand, the rest of the reporters present at the news
conference applauded
the presidents efforts and gave him high marks on his leadership!
GOOD GOD!
ChingarraSan